You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
