I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Houston, we have a squirter
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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