I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
