thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I party with great urgency now.
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