The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We need to feng shui this bitch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
