The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
