you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
