Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
