This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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