I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
