toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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