I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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