Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk is not a location!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
