you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
