White coat. Heels.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
