you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
