as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
