sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just tell him i said nine months
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
