The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
