I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
