i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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