When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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