And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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