new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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