she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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