areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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