You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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