Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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