I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
