Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
