Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
