Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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