Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
