you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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