Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
