looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
