Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
