I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As shirtless as possible
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
