i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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