Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
