Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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