I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
high people should be assigned attendants
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
