So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
