So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
