Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
