Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
