This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
