i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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