Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
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did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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