Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
