I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
