If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
