i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?