i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"