i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.