I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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