There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
