oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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