I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
