What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
