When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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