For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do vagina's smell?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
