dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
